EDUC 5183 - Dialectics

For the Dialectics assignment, I chose to engage in an open and honest conversation with a dear friend and colleague who identifies as gay. While I do not consider myself homophobic, I recognize that her life experiences are different from mine, and I approached our conversation with a sincere desire to understand her perspective more deeply.

What I initially expected to be a brief question-and-answer exchange turned into a two-hour discussion that we both enjoyed. Rather than focusing solely on her sexuality, our conversation naturally expanded into broader topics of diversity, inclusion, and what it means to truly see and support others.

She shared that she grew up in a very conservative household and always sensed that she was “different.” However, she did not come out until she was seventeen. When I asked if her family had been supportive, she shared a painful memory of when her mother arranged for a minister to visit their home to tell her she was going to hell. I cannot imagine what that must have felt like and it gave me a small glimpse into the kinds of rejection and judgment some gay individuals face, often from those closest to them.

During our conversation, I asked her what “inclusion” meant to her. She said she always felt like she needed to just “blend in.” She attributed that to growing up in a conservative home and to the fact that, back then, people did not really talk about being gay, especially with the fear of AIDS at the time. While she never felt the need to flaunt her sexuality, she also no longer feels the need to hide it. Her perspective opened my eyes to the internal struggles that people who feel different often face.

Our conversation also gave me the opportunity to reflect on an incident that happened in my classroom. During a lighthearted debate about the color of someone’s pants - some said blue, others purple - a male student stated they were “periwinkle.” Without thinking, I jokingly responded, “Periwinkle… are you gay?” Although I did not intend for the comment to be offensive, I immediately realized it was inappropriate, especially knowing there was a student in the class who identified as gay. I apologized to the class on the spot, but during my conversation with my friend, I asked her what she thought I should have done.

Her first response was, “Why DID you say that?” which led us down another rabbit hole, this time about my own upbringing and where some of my offhand comments might come from. In the end, she told me that, in her opinion, owning it and apologizing was the right thing to do, definitely better than ignoring it and acting like it never happened.

This assignment reminded me that genuine dialogue is one of the most powerful tools we have for building understanding. By listening with humility and reflecting honestly on our words and actions, we create space for growth.

Caryn Krueger